


i try to forgive you, but i struggle 'cause i don't know how

by channelorange



Series: i could still be that place where you run [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Also this totally got out of my hands I didn't mean for it to be this long, But I'm too focused on the plot and I don't know how long it'll take, M/M, This will eventually turn into something, sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:40:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5207909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/channelorange/pseuds/channelorange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The FH guys are in Austin, celebrating the end of another successful RTX. At the after party, Peake realizes more about his feelings than he wanted to, sees things that he didn't want to see, and doesn't know if he's truly sure of what he's getting himself into.</p><p>(part 3. important notes inside!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i try to forgive you, but i struggle 'cause i don't know how

**Author's Note:**

> hello, hello. i'm back again.
> 
> so, all i'm going to say about this part is... that it definitely got out of hand in terms of length. i could never find the appropriate place to stop and i'm glad i finally found it, although it might seem a tad too long. i'm not sure. anyway, i kind of enjoy this part because it put me in a different mindset, especially with the music i was listening to with it (also, shameless plug, but buy 1d's new album made in the am on itunes today).
> 
> i was inspired by this line from one of 1d's new songs, "end of the day": _i told her that i loved her / was not sure if she heard / the roof was pretty windy / and she didn't say a word / party died downstairs / had nothing left to do / just me, her, and the moon_
> 
> there's going to be a small scene alluding to those lyrics, but nothing is terribly specific. just inspiration. anyway, end rambling! i hope you like it.
> 
> //
> 
> fic title from one direction's "long way down."

Being in Austin is always surreal--Matt feels like he's a completely new world. It's busy, but it's not LA busy, and he doesn't feel like he's choking on all of the people milling around because no one's really rushing to be anywhere. It's surreal, but relaxing, and he truly enjoys the time that he and the guys get to spend in Austin whenever they go.

They've just finished their crazy, extended weekend of RTX, it's Sunday night, and their plane doesn't leave until late tomorrow, so they've all decided to go out. Rooster Teeth usually rents out a private area in a popular bar/club in the Austin area after RTX is all said and done to celebrate and get spectacularly drunk, which is where they are right now.

Getting to hang out with the rest of the employees in the company is great, as well, since they all never get to spend a lot of time together otherwise. Matt gets to talk to Kerry about the machinima for RVB since he wants to learn a little more about it, Joel Heyman about sports since none of his guys really care too much about it, and Michael and Lindsay about all of the shows he's gotta catch up on since they've recommended him some awesome ones so far.

Currently, Matt's sitting on one of the leather couches talking to Miles about some funny RT Life shorts that they've recorded recently. Matt's on his fifth beer, which is surprising for him because he usually doesn't drink that often, but he knows that he's not driving and they don't have anywhere to be very early tomorrow, so why the hell not.

"Look, it's my father and twin brother!" Miles calls out, pointing behind Matt and laughing. When Matt turns his head around, he sees Jeremy holding Adam on his back while making their way over to the two. Matt can see the glazed look in Adam's eyes, as well as Jeremy's, wondering how drunk they must be.

(Even though, when Matt shifts over on the couch to make room for them, he may have missed the couch when he went to steady himself and fell into Miles a little bit. But no one's pointing it out so Matt's going to act like it never happened and definitely doesn't wonder how drunk _he_ is.)

"What's going on, guys?!" Adam yells, a little bit louder than the music. He tosses his arms over the couch, one arm behind Matt and one behind Jeremy. Immediately, Jeremy leans into the opening Adam provided, scooting closer to him and pressing their sides together. He tilts his body forward and waves to both Matt and Miles, giggling at... nothing, really.

"Nothin', man! What's going on with you? What shenanigans are you two up to?" Miles questions, narrowing his eyes at them. The corner of Matt's mouth goes up and he shakes his head before taking another sip of his beer.

Jeremy leans in further against Adam, steadying himself with a hand on Adam's thigh. Matt's eyes can't help but catch it and raise an eyebrow, but averts his gaze before someone notices that he's looking. "Fuckin' Gavin tried to bet me, like, a hundred bucks that I couldn't squat Adam twenty times. _Twenty!_ " Jeremy explains, pointing his thumb backwards to where Matt can see Gavin hanging out by the bar with Michael, Lindsay, and Meg. "As soon as I get to, like, fuckin' fifteen, he tries to downplay the bet, like, _'oi, oi, uh, fuckin'--oi, it wasn't a serious bet, mate, I don't have a hundred quid!'_ and shit like that."

Jeremy's fake British accent mixed with his intensely strong Boston accent is certainly entertaining as they all share a group laugh. "Yeah, it sounded _exactly_ like that, Jeremy, you nailed it," Adam nods, keeping his face straight although Matt knows he just wants to bust out into a fit of giggles. Although Adam's usually very good at holding his bitch face for a long time when he's sober, drunk Adam is a completely different story.

"Shut up, Kovic! You love my fuckin' stupid ass accent," Jeremy grins, looking up at Adam, his pupils blown as his hand inches up Adam's thigh.

Something in Matt flares up as he watches Adam giggle once more, unable to hide his smile while Jeremy laughs loudly and lets his head fall onto Adam's shoulder. When Matt glances at Miles, he doesn't seem to see anything worthy of mentioning between the two as Matt sees him shrug and take a long sip of his mixed drink.

"Kovic," Matt says, turning to look at Adam, who's still a bit preoccupied. When Adam turn to look at him, Jeremy picks up his head to stare at Adam's profile while he's not paying attention. _God, kid's got it bad,_ Matt thinks. "Where're the rest of the guys?"

Adam does that _thing_ with his tongue, meaning to lick his lips but it looks like he's just slightly sticking his tongue out. The quick flick of Matt's gaze is probably too quick for Adam to notice before he answers. "Um... probably at the bar? S'last place I saw 'em," he answers.

Matt nods and moves to sit up more, using his free hand that isn't holding his beer to pat his hand on Adam's thigh (that isn't already occupied by Jeremy's hand). "You good if I leave you here for a bit?" he asks.

He feels Adam's leg twitch under his fingers and can't resist from giving him a bit of a squeeze there, knowing that Adam's pretty sensitive and ticklish in this area. His leg jerks and he giggles, shifting his leg out of Matt's hold. When he looks up and back into Matt's eyes, his face softens as his eyes drop down to his lips. Although it isn't long, it certainly isn't stealthy in the slightest. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine."

Matt's breath hitches and swallows the lump in his throat, his other hand itching to wrap his hand around Adam's neck, but knows better than to do something like that. He quickly gathers himself and pushes himself onto his feet, heading towards the bar without looking at Adam and Jeremy again.

Making his way over to the bar, Matt scans the area to find the rest of the guys in the crowd. He spots Lawrence and Spoole first, who are laughing together about something. Matt notices that Spoole is practically sitting in Lawrence's lap since he's sitting at one of the bar seats, but he doesn't want to interrupt whatever _this_ is, so he averts his attention to find the rest of the guys.

Joel's leaning against the bar, talking to Geoff and Griffon when Matt sidles up to him. "Hey," he says over the music before taking a sip of his beer.

"Peake!" Joel cheers, throwing his arms up to wrap around Matt's neck. He can't help but laugh and steady Joel with a hand to his side since he threw almost all of his weight onto him (although it wasn't too staggering because Joel is slim in all of the right places). "Matt Peake, are you having a good time?" he asks when he pulls away from their embrace.

Matt nods and can't help but smile. "Yeah, Joel, I am." It's quite rare that he _does_ have a good time at bars and clubs since it's never really his style, but this is a night worth celebrating, so why not have a good time?

"Good. Good, I'm glad, Peake," Joel grins, patting Matt's cheek gently and letting his hand drag across his beard. "Do you need something? Another drink?"

"No, no, I'm fine," he says, holding up his almost empty beer. "I was just looking for everyone. Where're Bruce and James?"

"Oh, they've been off somewhere doing their own thing," Joel tells him, waving his hand out. "They were over here for a little while, but I don't know where..." he trails off, looking around the bar area. He stops and points though, letting out an 'ooh, ooh' when he notices something. "There they are! At, like, the corner of the bar by the wall. I see Bruce's orange Funhaus shirt."

Matt follows Joel's finger and stops, the smile on his face falling as he comprehends the scene in front of him. James' back is against the wall, his one hand onto the bar while his other is around Bruce's neck, his grip tight. Bruce's hands are _clearly_ up James' shirt as he leans in to whisper something into James' ear. Matt watches Bruce take another step closer to James, molding their bodies together and watches the shadow of his hands underneath James' shirt run up and down his torso.

When Bruce moves away from James' ear, James wastes no time leaning in and kissing him.

He feels frozen in place and doesn't know what to do. He wants to deny everything he's seeing right now because he thought...

Well, that's exactly it. He _thought_. Nothing was really said, was it? Bruce only told him that he wants to fuck him more often than they were, but that doesn't _mean_ anything, does it?

Matt's hands begin trembling and he quickly puts his beer on the bar before turning and escaping the crowd around the bar without saying anything to Joel. He needs to get out of this bar, he needs fresh air, he's just got to leave _now_.

He walks past where he was previously sitting and Miles is gone, but Adam and Jeremy are still there. It's another punch to the gut (although it shouldn't, it _shouldn't_ ) to see Jeremy practically hanging all over Adam. But as he's walking, Matt hears his name being called.

When he stops and turns around, he sees Adam looking at him. "Where're you going, Peake?" he asks, frowning even though he's got a handful of Jeremy in his lap.

"I--" His voice cracks and he's so thankful it's loud in this place. He clears his throat and tries again. "I need some air, I gotta--" He just points over his shoulder before turning around and heading towards the big double doors on the other side of the place, looking for a breath of fresh air before he feels like he's going to explode.

When he opens the doors and breathes in, he finds out that it wasn't the exit, but a balcony that looks out over downtown Austin. Matt can't complain; he just needed to catch up, relax, breathe, _think_.

He thought he would be alone, but a few moments later, the door opens again and Matt jumps. Turning around, he sees Adam standing there, letting the door fall shut behind him. "Peake," Adam says, taking slow steps towards him, "are you alright?"

Matt nods, although the knot in his throat may say otherwise. But he's fine; he's _fine_. "Yeah, I'm good, I just... it was getting crowded and hot in there, so." He shrugs and turns back towards the city, leaning on the balcony railing and trying to focus on his breaths instead of how drunk he is or what he saw Bruce and James doing or anything at all, for that matter.

"You don't look so good," Adam tells him, coming up next to Matt and putting his hand in the middle of his shoulder blades. "You look nauseous."

Matt laughs, despite the irony. He's a little nauseous and he's sure his alcohol intake isn't helping. "Nah, I'm good. It's super windy out here, so it just... it feels good. Needed some air."

He drops his head and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as he feels Adam's hand slip off of his back. But he can still feel his presence there. When Matt picks his head back up, he looks over at Adam who's leaning on the balcony next to him, looking out into the city.

"Why don't you go back inside?" Matt tells him, getting his attention. "I'm sure Jeremy's waiting for you. Hope you didn't leave him high and dry back there."

Adam simply shrugs and keeps his gaze on the city. "Nah, he's fine. Told him I wanted to make sure you were okay and not to wait up, so."

Matt frowns. "Why did you do that? I'm fine, just go back to him."

"Why are you trying to push me away?" Adam turns his head to face when he asks that question and Matt doesn't know if he means right now or in general. Either way, Matt doesn't truly know the answer and he doesn't know if he should admit that.

The wind picks up for a moment and Matt lets it go before he speaks. "I'm not trying to push you away, Kovic. I just thought something was going on with you and Jeremy and I would be pissed at myself if I messed it up or something, just so you could follow me out here to make sure I'm alright," he admits.

(Matt's not going to follow up his confession with something along the lines of 'Although I'm happy that you're away from Jeremy because he was hanging all over you and I hated seeing it.' No. He's definitely not going to do that.)

Adam's usually not one for outbursts--usually holds back what he truly wants to say on a daily basis--but maybe it's the liquor that's getting to him tonight. He runs his hands over his face and through his hair, shaking his head and mumbling, "I don't get it, I don't get it."

"Don't get what, Kovic?" Matt snaps. "Go back to Jeremy. Simple as that. He wants you."

"But _I_ want _you_ , you fucking asshole," he breathes, dropping his arms to his side. Matt knew it was coming and yet his heart feels like it's in his throat from the way he can feel it beating so fast. "I just--I don't get it. How could you still just... just be okay with Bruce and James, but you won't--I mean, if you don't fuckin' like me, Peake, just say something. Tell me. Tell me so I can stop being a delusional fucking _idiot_ who thinks he has a chance."

His gaze is still on the skyline of Austin. "I didn't know about Bruce and James," he tells Adam, instead of answering his other question. "I didn't. I mean, not until just now, before I walked out here." Matt can see out of the corner of his eye the realization on Adam's face of what he thinks he just did. "You didn't... it's not like you're... I mean, I don't know. I saw it with my own eyes before you told me, so that time difference is, like, two minutes. Me, knowing for two minutes what's been apparently going on without my knowledge, and then you coming out here and telling me so I could actually hear someone confirm it."

" _Fuck_ ," Adam says. "I... I'm sorry, Peake. I still feel like I--"

"You didn't," Matt cuts him off. "You didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame yourself."

"I did _something_ , I fucked something up," Adam replies. "Whether it's you or Bruce, or me or you, or our fucking jobs, I just fucked something up." He's running his fingers through his hair again as he begins pacing on the balcony, mumbling under his breath what Matt is sure are insults to himself.

He's got to get out of here--out of this club and back to their hotel, but he's not going to leave Adam like this. Matt walks over and interrupts his pacing, grabbing his wrists to steady him. "Hey, Adam, look at me, alright?" Matt instructs, tilting his head down to try and catch Adam's eye.

It takes a couple of more tries, but Adam finally lifts his head and looks at Matt. His eyes are _tired_ , is the only way Matt can describe them, and he can only imagine what's going on in his head to make him feel exhausted. "Matt, Matty," Adam whispers, stepping closer and pulling his arms out of Matt's grip to wrap them around his neck.

Adam _never_ calls him Matt (or Matty, _especially_ Matty) and hasn't for the many years that they've known each other. It sends chills down his spine as he steadies Adam's body against his own, wrapping his arms around his waist. Adam's much taller than Matt is, but only a little shorter than Bruce, so he's hunched over standing to bury his face into the crook of Matt's neck.

"Hey, Adam," Matt says against his cheek, rubbing one of his hands up and down Adam's back. "We're gonna head out, okay? Get you into a nice, comfy bed for you to sleep in."

"Stay," Adam mumbles against his jawline. "You're gonna stay, right, Matty?"

"Of course," he replies without a moment's hesitation. "We're both leaving, right now."

Matt stares at the moon when he hears Adam mumble something against his jaw once more as the wind picks up. He grips the back of Adam's shirt and shuts his eyes tightly, wishing more than anything he didn't hear it.

(On one hand, he wants to hear Adam say it again, and again, and again.

But on the other, he hopes the wind took it.)

When he opens his eyes back up, he sees black spots for a short second before his vision clears. "C'mon, let's go," he instructs, forcing Adam to stand up straight on his own and leading him back to the double doors that lead into the club.

The music is blaring after being in silence for however long it was out there. As Matt leads him towards the exit, he sees Jeremy come up to Adam, still as drunk as before, if not a little more.

Matt goes to tell Jeremy that they're heading out, but Adam lets Jeremy drag him away, seemingly without a care in the world. When Matt gets a glance at Adam's face, he's smiling and looking at Jeremy like he's the only person around.

He stands there with his hands at his sides, staring after Adam and not noticing someone coming up behind him until their hands are on his hips, pulling him back against their body. "Hey, Matt Peake," Bruce says against his ear, his voice rough and husky.

Shivers run through Matt once again, although he wishes they didn't. But Bruce has this sort of hold on him that he has no way of controlling, and hasn't been able to control in a long time.

But Matt doesn't say anything and doesn't react any more to the way Bruce is touching him. "What's goin' on, babe? Is Kovic alright?" Bruce asks, moving to stand in front of Matt, getting his attention further.

He glances at Bruce and makes it quick, refusing to get stuck in those eyes right now when he has to make sure Adam's okay. "Yeah, I think he's alright. He's just had a lot to drink and--" He cuts himself off when he watches Adam push Jeremy against a pillar on the other side of the bar and kiss him, tangling his fingers in his shirt. Jeremy reacts immediately, pressing back as much as he could against Adam's taller stature.

They quickly get wrapped up in each other and friends start to hoot and holler around them, cheering them on. Bruce follows his gaze and the noise and sees what Matt sees. "Whoa!" Bruce exclaims, leaning his head a little further that way but keeping his hands on Matt. "Goddamn, go Kovic. And Jeremy? That's insane," Bruce laughs, but clearly happy for his friend.

"Yeah," is all Matt can say before he forces himself to look away (or else he might do something stupid, like walk over there to... do something). "Where's James?" Matt asks, finally making full eye contact with Bruce for the first time since they got to this party.

Bruce keeps their eye contact, staying silent as he searches Matt's gaze before raising an eyebrow. "Talking to Lawrence and Michael about some streaming stuff. Joel and Spoole went to get something to eat." Bruce's arms slide around Matt's waist, linking his fingers at the bottom of his back. "Is everything alright, Peake?"

It almost sounds like Bruce is challenging him to say something since he specifically asked him where James was and not any of the other guys. Normally, Matt wouldn't have even brought James up if he saw that situation in a sober state. Fortunately for him (and unfortunately for Bruce), he's had just enough alcohol to do the exact opposite.

"Didn't think you wanted me anymore--you seemed pretty occupied with James before," he tells Bruce, eyes refusing to break away from his. "How was that, by the way?" He raises his own eyebrow back at Bruce, silently screaming _try me_.

Bruce doesn't react for a long pause before he slowly starts smirking at Matt (which... is not what he expected). "You really curious, Peake?" Bruce replies as the look in his eyes seem to get darker in the already severely dim club.

Bruce begins walking backwards to the nearest wall of the club and as soon as his foot hits it, he spins them around so Matt's back is against it. Immediately, Bruce's hand tucks under Matt's shirt and explores his torso with careful, knowing fingers.

Matt's skin feels like it's on fire with every inch that Bruce touches with his wandering hand, but he's still curious as to what his method of attack is here. All that this is doing is making Matt stupidly hard when he should be angry. Right? Shouldn't he be angry?

Pressing the front of his body against Matt's, where Matt can certainly feel the outline of Bruce's cock against his leg, Bruce leans towards the crook of Matt's neck (his favorite place) and begins whispering, but loud enough that Matt can hear him clearly in the loud club. "Think I don't know about you and Kovic, babe?"

"Nothing happened," Matt immediately defends.

Bruce laughs, his breath hitting Matt's ear. "Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. Doesn't change the fact that he wants to put you down and take you apart, piece by piece, and you _want_ him to."

Matt swallows, refusing to even look at Bruce, even though he feels him everywhere. He's cupping Matt's hip under his shirt with his hand, swiping his thumb back and forth against the protruding bone. "When did you and James start fucking?" he questions, avoiding the topic of Adam as much as he can.

"We haven't, but he wants to," Bruce admits, sliding his hand around Matt and into the curve of his lower back. His fingers are pressing Matt forward, holding him against his body and not letting loose. Matt feels hot everywhere and avoids the urge to press back against Bruce to get some sort of friction against his cock that's confined in his jeans. "James wants me to open him up and give him my dick," he describes. "Wants me to fuck him into his bed until all he can say is my name over, and over, and over again."

Matt takes a shaky breath, letting his head fall back against the wall and closing his eyes. Of course, Bruce takes this time to bite into the skin that Matt exposed him to, causing Matt's hips to jerk involuntarily. He bites his lip to hold back his moan, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he's into this (whatever 'this' is--Bruce's body pressed against him or the filthy words he's saying about fucking James--Matt won't think about it, not now).

"Do you want me to do that to you, Peake?" Bruce asks, pulling his hand back around and up Matt's chest. His thumb starts rubbing against one of Matt's nipples, one of his weak spots that Bruce fucking _knows_ , and he can't help letting his jaw drop open a bit. "Want me to fuck you? Take my time opening you up, fingering you nice and slow until you're ready to take my fuckin' cock?"

Bruce is placing small, but noticeable kisses on this side of Matt's neck, around where he sunk his teeth into previously. "You want that, Peake?" Bruce asks again, his thumb circling his nipple. "Or do you want Adam to fuck you?"

Immediately after he asks that, he pinches Matt's nipple between his index finger and thumb, causing Matt to moan and his hips jerk once more. The mixture of Bruce's scent, Bruce's body against him, touching him, the alcohol, and the _thought_ of Adam touching him is making his cock twitch in his pants. "Bruce," he whimpers, finally reaching up and grabbing Bruce's side to drag him closer.

Bruce pulls his head back to look at Matt, who opens his eyes to look back. Matt's breathing a little heavy and so is Bruce, Matt watching his chest rise and fall in excitement, even though he's clearly the one with the upper-hand in this situation. "Do you want to leave?" Bruce asks, searching his eyes.

Matt doesn't hesitate to nod, biting his bottom lip (that Bruce's eyes travel to, making him bite his own). They unravel from each other, but Bruce doesn't go far as he grabs Matt's hand and begins walking them towards the exit.

Quickly, Matt looks back towards where he last saw Adam, but he's not there anymore.

//

The cab ride back to their hotel felt like forever, and getting up to their room felt even longer, but they're finally alone, to which Bruce starts pushing and pulling at Matt's clothes as soon as the door falls shut.

Their heavy breathing is mixing together as they alternate between kissing and taking off each others clothes. Matt hasn't felt this turned on in a long time and he doesn't know what about tonight makes it so much different than others, but he's not sure he wants to know or understand.

They fall to the bed and Bruce presses a rough kiss to Matt's lips before sitting back on his knees in between Matt's legs. He already grabbed the lube and condom from his bag before they got in bed and Bruce wastes no time in putting it to good use. He pops open the lube bottle and spreads some on his fingers as Matt watches, his hands gripping the top of the bed and trying to relax.

Bruce leans back over and holds himself up with one arm while the other reaches down, his cold fingertips rubbing around Matt's hole that makes him twitch from the temperature. But Bruce doesn't give him any time to adjust before he pushes one finger in deep, causing Matt to arch his back and let out a surprised groan.

"Fuck," he grunts, slowly resting himself back down flat on the bed as Bruce pumps his finger at a steady pace. It burns, but it feels _so good_. "Bruce, god." He's not a man of many words normally, and may even be less of one in bed since they're barely coherent and count as sentences.

"You look so fuckin' good, Peake," Bruce tells him, twisting and thrusting his finger at a bit of a quicker pace. "So goddamn good. Can't believe I get to fuck you, babe, you're so fuckin'--" He stops himself to slowly push another finger next to the other one, hearing Matt moan a little louder than before. "Bet Kovic wishes he could see you like this," Bruce says.

Matt picks up his head from the pillow and stares at Bruce, who's already looking at him. He's still pumping his fingers and Matt feels a third one rubbing against his hole. His breathing is erratic, but he doesn't say anything in reply to what Bruce said. What he does do is push himself down further against Bruce's fingers, causing Bruce's attention to revert back to what he was doing.

"Yeah, you want more, so I think I'm gonna give you my cock now, babe," Bruce informs him, touching himself and tugging gently. He lets out a moan himself, something that Matt thinks he could hear for the rest of his life while he pushes down _again_ on Bruce's fingers.

"Bruce, please," he huffs, licking his lips at the man in front of him who's probably trying to kill him like this.

Bruce smirks before leaning down and pressing another bruising kiss to Matt's lips. "You're so fuckin' needy for it, Peake, I love it," he says against his mouth, biting on his bottom lip before pulling away.

Slowly, Bruce pulls his fingers out and tears open the condom wrapper, rolling it on and covering it with more lube before he positions himself. Matt opens his legs further, picking one up to hook around Bruce's body. Already getting the idea, Bruce scoops and holds one leg over his shoulder while he steadies himself and pushes in, causing both men to moan from all of the time that they _weren't_ doing this.

"Oh _god_ , Peake," Bruce groans, taking a moment to adjust to being inside. Matt, still impatient and craving the need of Bruce's rough hands and skilled hips, squeezes himself around Bruce's cock and whines once more. "Fuck, fuck, don't do that," Bruce breathes, sitting up all of the way with one hand anchored on Matt's chest. "You're gonna make me cum, don't do that."

"Isn't that the point?" Matt asks, still having enough in him to throw that jab. He also can't help but smirk, as well, to which Bruce laughs at both his face and the question.

"You think you're tough, huh, Peake?" Bruce questions before beginning to thrust. It's slow and excruciating, but it's _something_ and Matt's never been this happy to be full of Bruce Greene in his life.

He starts in earnest, thrusting and matching his moans and grunts with Matt, unable to properly form real words. Eventually, Bruce wraps his fingers around Matt's neglected cock, which only makes him moan louder and attempt to thrust up and into his hand as he's still fucking into him.

"Please, Bruce, p-please," Matt says, unable to hide the hitch in his voice. "I need it, _please_."

Slowly, Bruce leans down on his forearm again while working a careful hand over Matt's cock and shallow thrusting. Their faces are close, their noses brushing together when Bruce fucks into Matt a bit harder than he has been. "Bet you want Kovic to make you cum," Bruce hisses before roughly kissing Matt.

He returns the kiss and groans into Bruce's mouth, rolling his hips down for more, whatever more it may be. Fucking, touching, _anything_ , Matt just knows he needs it.

Bruce pulls out of the kiss and starts thrusting faster, the bed slightly creaking under them. "Fuckin' say it, Peake," he demands, twisting his hand around his cock to make him moan. "Say you want Kovic to fuck you. Say you want it."

" _Bruce_ ," he breathes, looking back in his eyes. Although he wants Bruce to stop talking about him, it's certainly not benefiting how badly he wants to cum at just the thought of Adam fucking into him the way Bruce is right now.

"Just say it, babe, I'm not mad, I swear," he says, his breath catching up as he continues to thrust faster. "Say you want Kovic to fuck you, Peake."

His thumb swipes against the top of Matt's cock, pressing his finger against the slit and rubbing the pre-cum all around the head. "Bruce, please," he begs, refusing to break eye contact.

He switches it up; instead of fast thrusts, they're much slower now, but Bruce is snapping his hips forward and pressing into Matt's, _hard_. The incoherent noises that are coming out of Matt's mouth are involuntary because all he can think of is _Bruce, Bruce, Adam, Bruce, Adam, Adam, Bruce, Bruce_.

After pressing against the slit of his cock once more, his thrusts getting shallow and his demand of, "Tell me you want Adam to fuck you, _Matty_ ," all Matt can do is groan as a warning before he's coming in Bruce's hand and on his lower stomach. "Oh god, Matt, _fuck_ ," Bruce moans, fastening his pace before he's coming, too.

The only sound in the room is their heavy breathing. It takes a moment for Bruce to collect himself before he sits up all of the way, holding onto the condom as he pulls out and crawling off of the bed to head to the bathroom. Matt continues to lie there and closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath and wiping the sweat off of his forehead.

He twitches when he feels a cool cloth wiping across his lower stomach and he opens his eyes, watching Bruce clean him off. When they look at each other, the corner of Bruce's mouth turns up and Matt can't help but do the same.

After they've cleaned up and put their boxers back on, Bruce pulls the covers from under them to pull them over and doesn't hesitate to wrap himself around Matt like he usually does. It's like a reflect at this point; Matt wraps his arm around Bruce's shoulders and begins to run his fingertips up and down his upper arm, just like he always does.

It's silent for a while and Matt feels himself drifting off to sleep, but feels Bruce start to shift next to him. In the next moment, he feels Bruce's lips against his own. Surprised but not unwelcomed, Matt cups the back of Bruce's head and slices their mouths together, letting the kiss linger and drag on.

When they stop, Bruce whispers, "You know it's you, right, Matt?"

He opens his tired eyes to meet Bruce's, but his gaze holds confusion. "What's that supposed t'mean?" he mumbles.

"It means that it's you," Bruce repeats. "There might be... others." A quick knot develops in Matt's throat. "Our others. I mean, there will be our others. James. Joel. Spoole and Lawrence. Adam."

Just mentioning Adam's name makes that knot grow tighter. "So what does that make me?" Matt questions.

"It makes you, you," Bruce tells him. "I'm here with you. I've been here with you. And just because... there will be our others doesn't mean that this will change how this moment feels. With you." His eyes search Matt's. "Do you know what I'm saying?"

 _God, I don't want to know, I_ can't _know what you're saying,_ he thinks. "Let's get some sleep, Bruce, okay?"

He doesn't give Bruce a chance to answer--he just presses their lips together again to delay answering, to drag out the silence, to just let this be what it is.

For now, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> hope it wasn't too angsty. it's going to get better, i think.
> 
> please feel free to leave any constructive criticism, if you feel the need to do so! i'm totally open to them and appreciate any sort of feedback dearly.


End file.
